LOOKING IN THE MIRROR

Looking in the mirror, I saw a woman. I knew her but she wasn’t the same anymore. There were marks on her body, extra weight that she didn’t want to have, weak muscles and a tired back. Her face was shining, but at the same time, there was something that didn’t match up.

Looking in the mirror, I saw a woman: a woman with extreme happiness, and yet, a bit confused. Mixed feelings come and go, and then all back to the same (whatever that same is for each woman that is looking in the mirror). The same feeling, same situation, same figure, wondering how those marks, extra weight, weak muscles and tired back will one day go back to what it used to be. 

See, some women will look in the mirror after the battle and will probably find the same woman that she was before; some will look and will find a different woman. It is not about whether she sees a better woman or not. It is just the change, the recognition that she is not the same.

And then many of our fruits will be challenged: our patience, our peace, our faithfulness, our joy, our self-control. She will need each one to play its part in helping her recuperate, to discover what the new woman is all about. Some may want to go back to what they were, while another may want to embrace the new in her. None of this is right or wrong. It is a choice, after all. What matters is that when you look in the mirror, your Spirit is at peace with what God has made of you.

So then, looking in the mirror, part of me wants my old self, while another part of me embraces who she is today. And that’s the confusion I face: is that even possible?  Can’t I just take the best of both and become someone new? But wait… If I think about it, I might try to be the same old self. And maybe in some things, I will return to it, but one thing I am sure of is that I won’t be the same woman again. So maybe I am the best of both.

I look in the mirror and I see a profession that is not being utilized, a responsibility beyond my wisdom, a new role consuming most of my time. Here I am, missing out on reading time, with habits that needed to stop, new activities that I wasn’t trained to do, friendships fading away, people who don’t understand me, new marks and a tired body. When I look in the mirror, what I see can change every day. But I stood there thinking all of it in a matter of seconds, as time is more precious now than before, and then…

I saw the marks that were reminding me of the passion, time, strength, patience, happiness, the blessing, that I had while everything else around me was starting to change. I saw a woman who yes, was not the same, who yes, has changed. But I also saw a woman who has become something she couldn’t even imagine. I saw someone so weak, and a King so faithful to believe in her by giving her such great responsibility. I saw eyes that belong to her but are sinking in a profound and unexplainable love. I saw a body that will take time to heal, but even in the healing, it is nurturing a soldier. I saw the confusion but also saw the smile in the new self. I saw new friendships building up. I saw a strength that wasn’t mine, but His. I saw a new season, and I understood that the books and hobbies are for me to share with others now. I saw that I didn’t know what I was doing, but I realized that it is the greatest way to be. I no longer need to worry about the path, as I realize I am not alone and I will never be; a promise made to me that I believe.

I saw in the mirror that people may never understand me, but it is not about understanding. It’s about caring, sharing, helping, and being there. Even if that doesn’t happen, I can live in peace knowing that there is ONE who will always do, and that HE matters more than a billion people in this world.

Looking in the mirror, I smiled and I knew that everything was going to work out in the perfect timing that was prepared for me. I knew that I could keep some things the same if I wanted to, but after all I’d gained with this new self, why would I want to go back? Why not enjoy all the benefits of now and enjoy the process of learning, trying, failing and succeeding? I saw all of this and even more that words alone couldn’t express.

I realized when I looked in the mirror, that I was holding something precious in my arms; a gift, a blessing, a soldier, a responsibility, a friend, a companion, a student, a co-worker, a team mate, a player, pure love, and an indescribable creation. I saw something entrusted to me, eyes that inspire and motivate me, a smile that removes any tiredness, a heartbeat that reminds me every day that I don’t really know what everlasting LOVE means, but that I have been given the opportunity to taste a bit of it. As I hold my daughter in my arms, I know those marks will always remind me that I carried her in my womb while God knitted her together; that what I was before was good, even great, but what I am now is fascinating, it is perfection reflected in me and her. As we grow together in this journey, it is Him who gets all the glory, because without Him, it would be just me in the mirror.